we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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