Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
