there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize