Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
