The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
