i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
