Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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