i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
