i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize