I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
