yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
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It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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