All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
