9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
