As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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