when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Houston, we have a blender
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
