the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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