I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Buhtt sex?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
