so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
