He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
