Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
