I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
