where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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