If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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