Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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