i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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