New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
