Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
