Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
