ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
