The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
