I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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