Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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