i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was like eating out sand paper
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize