Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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