Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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