sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
