Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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