cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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