Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
