I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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