All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
