You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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