So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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