how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
