So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
