I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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