Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
