I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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