The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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