I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."