You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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