I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.