I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize