If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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