I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
