I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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