The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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