Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I will die if light touches me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
