I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he had hair everywhere except his balls
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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