and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
