You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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