he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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