If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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