you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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